Every one of us has problems bigger or smaller. An interesting thing about “problem” is everyone thinks that his/her problem is the biggest one. We get entangled into problems on a daily basis and the problems increase when we don’t know the reason behind our problem. Most of us don’t get things solved because we are not consciously aware of what causes the problem. If we want to overcome our problems we need to understand the dynamics which exaggerate our problems.
When a person denies the existence of a problem, how can he/she find any solution for the problem? Beware this denial is an unconscious process which drives a person to reduce his anxieties and thus, throws threatening facts into the unconscious to get safer on the surface level. The problem with denial lies in the fact that it actually doesn’t reduce anxiety but results in the form of psychological disturbance.
Wrong initial assumptions / false beliefs:
Another thing which doesn’t help in the solution of problems is; we make initial assumptions regarding things. For example, anyone of us can assume that he must not be betrayed, must not experience any corruption or must be dealt with respect. These initial assumptions will hurt the person whenever he suffers any experience of dishonesty or disrespect. Because the person has high expectations from people, he will be hurt on even minor immoral experiences, which every one of us experiences on a daily basis.
When fear is at a normal level, it can be helpful and work as a survival instinct e.g., if you see a snake creeping towards you, you must be fearful and then run away to find a safer place. This is a normal response but, if you are fearful enough that you can’t move from the place, your legs get paralysed and you feel numb, this is the excessive level of fear which will not work for you to overcome the problem.
Everyone wants to present himself in an acceptable way in order to get approval from others. This is actually right but when you hide your problems from others particularly the right ones, this is the case which worsens your problems. For instance, if you have a sexual problem and you feel shy to tell your doctor just because he/ she will think you are bad. When you don’t reveal your actual problem, is it possible that doctor will be able to suggest you an appropriate treatment? No way! When you don’t get treatment for your problems than it is inevitable that your problems will increase in intensity and then you will become helpless.
Sometimes our choice of behaviour leads us to problematic situations. For example, everyone knows that aggression is destructive and it always leads to negative consequence either for yourself or for others. But still, we get into arguments and choose aggression as it will help us solve the problem. If you review your experiences of aggression and try to find out how many times it helped you to get things right in the long run? You will definitely reach to the conclusion that it always get you into a disadvantage.
If you find any of these problems affecting your life and thus your problems are increasing day by day instead of getting solved, then you just talk to your psychologist about these issues.
Mehwish Mursaleen (PhD Clinical Psychology)
Online Psychotherapist (Consult-a-psychologist.com & iCliniq.com)